Caroling Aboard the Enterprise
by Pip the Dark Lord of All
Summary: For two years Kirk and McCoy have gone around the Enterprise Christmas caroling. But when they are captured by Klingons on Christmas Eve, it changes things more than they ever expected. First story in the fanfiction Christmas Countdown 2015.


This is the first story if the Fanfiction Christmas Countdown 2015. It will be followed by a story from NirCele, to be published tomorrow. All the stories will be of different fandoms. (Did I introduce it right?) O.O This is my first time participating. Enjoy!

Every story will contain a reference to one thing from the song _The Twelve Days of Christmas._ There is a partridge in a pear tree in this one.

And since some of the people reading this are not in the Star Trek fandom, here are some quick introductions.

Captain Kirk: Captain of the Starship Enterprise. From Iowa. He loves taking risks and is a huge romantic, managing to fall in love with practically everyone he meets. However he is an excellent captain, and has been known to bend (or break) the rules if the situation calls for it. Calls Dr. McCoy "Bones."

Spock: Half Vulcan and half human. He is the only Vulcan aboard the Enterprise. First officer and science officer. Tries to be completely logical and emotionless like his Vulcan ancestors.

Dr. McCoy: Ship's doctor from Georgia. (I think) He is very emotional and often clashes with Spock.

Chekov: Young ensign from Russia. Is deeply patriotic and is convinced that all things good somehow originated in Russia.

Sulu: Japanese navigator. Close friends with Chekov. He has intrest in fencing, guns and botany.

Uhura: Communications officer. She is African and can speak Swahili.

Scotty: Chief Engineer. Scottish. Is completely obsessed with the Enterprise and "his engines."

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And now for the story. My apologies if there are any silly grammar mistakes or such, I am finishing this after midnight and am tired...

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"I can't believe this!" Kirk shouted, slamming both fists hard into the side of the Klingon brig. "Of all the times to get captured, why today?"

"Captain, slamming your fists on that wall is illogical, you have already..."

"Oh, don't start that, Spock." McCoy interrupted. "I don't need a lecture on logic just now. Isn't there a way out of this damn place?"

"Not that I am aware of, Doctor." Spock answered. "However, even if we were to escape now, you would be too late to carry out your... tradition."

The last two Christmas Eves, Kirk and McCoy had gone around the ship randomly picking doors at absurd hours and singing carols. (it was terrible singing, Spock recalled.) They had shown up at Spock's quarters while he was attempting to meditate, and was rudely interrupted by the sound of "Deck the Starship" Kirk's version of "Deck the Halls," an old Earth Christmas carol.

"We should be having lots of fun just now." Kirk pouted.

"Captain." Spock said. "There is no logical reason why you cannot conduct your singing... ritual... a few days late."

"Of course, you're right!" Kirk shouted. "Spock, for that brilliant idea, you really should join us this time."

Spock looked away. "Captain, Vulcans do not engage in such illogical and... rather undignified practices."

"Oh who cares!" McCoy shouted. "You're half human, aren't you? Can't you ever let it show? Must you always act like a damn computer, you green blooded..."

"Gentlemen, not now!" Kirk broke in. "I think we should focus our attention to escape at the moment."

"A logical thought, Captain." Spock said, turning away from them and focusing his attention to the ceiling. "There may be a weak spot above us..."

At that moment, a familiar whirring sound filled their ears and the Klingon brig disappeared... and they found themselves in the Enterprise transporter room. Lieutenant Kyle ran over to them, visibly worried.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"Yes, Lieutenant, we're fine." Kirk said. "The Klingons...?"

"They're coming around to attack. You better get to the bridge."

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"Well, that was tedious." Kirk sighed wearily as he entered the turbolift followed by Spock and Chekov. "I thought they would never leave."

"I need a nice, long rest." Chekov said. "Captain, do you realize that this incident has caused you to miss your obnoxious caroling spree?"

"I am well aware of that, Ensign." Kirk said, grinning. "However..."

"No, don't tell me you're still going to do it." Chekov groaned dramatically. "In Russia, one can sleep peacefully without the fear of potential deafness!"

"Ensign, as terrible as the Captain and the good doctor's singing abilities are, it is highly improbable that their actions could cause anyone to loose their hearing." Spock observed.

"I'm not exaggerating, Mr. Spock!" Chekov snapped. "Klingons sing Christmas carols far better!"

Spock's eyebrow headed for the ceiling. "Ensign, there is no record of Klingons celebrating the Earth holiday of Christmas. Even if such an instance has occurred..."

"No, Spock, Klingons have never celebrated Christmas." Kirk interrupted, as a disturbing image of Klingons Christmas caroling popped unwelcomely into his head. He stepped out of the turbolift, pulling Spock with him as the door closed before Chekov's astonished face.

"Captain, why did you just pull me from the turbolift? My quarters are..."

"This way, Mr. Spock." Kirk said, a slightly evil smirk spreading across his face. "We have work to do. In here!" He pushed Spock into McCoy's quarters, where the doctor was sitting on his bed, looking annoyed.

"You're late." McCoy said, then stood up in amazement as a grin broke over his face. "Spock? You're joining us?"

"Doctor, I..." Spock tried to get a word in.

"Yes, he is!" Kirk interrupted playfully. "Where are the costumes, Bones?"

After another incredulous look at Spock, McCoy pulled out a box. "In here."

"Perfect, perfect!" Kirk said, giggling like a schoolboy. "This is mine, this is yours, and here's Spock's." He tossed Spock a pile of cloth. Spock's eyebrow headed for the ceiling for the second time that evening.

"Captain." Spock attempted another escape. "This is most undignified..."

Kirk leaned over and whispered in Spock's pointed ear. "Please? Do something illogical and human, just this once?"

Spock's face grew exasperated. Humans were intolerable. "I will accompany you, but only this one time." he finally said, and stepped into the costume.

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A few minutes later, a reindeer, Santa Claus and an elf emerged from the room. McCoy figeted nervously with his antlers and bright red nose as Kirk made final adjustments on his huge beard. Spock stood motionless in his green and red outfit, holding a partially finished remote control drone in his hands, supposedly a toy he was constructing.

"Come on, this way!" Kirk said, pulling Spock along. "Spock, you wouldn't happen to know "Deck the Starship" on that Vulcan instrument of yours, would you?"

"I have never devoted much time that particular piece, but I should be able to..."

"Go get it, it will save you the indignity of actually singing." Kirk ordered. Meet Bones and I outside my quarters."

"Yes, Captain." Spock said emotionlessly, and left to get his ka'athyra. _(Vulcan lyre)_

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Spock emerged from his quarters, ka'athyra in hand. He earnestly hoped he wouldn't meet anyone who knew him well through the halls. Several crewmembers had seen him already, but had passed him off as a human in costume. As he turned a corner however, he almost bumped into Chekov, who gasped as if he'd seen an apparition, and stumbled back a few feet.

"Mr... Mr. Spock! Are you alright?" the Russian stuttered, looking to be on the verge of panic.

"I am quite all right, thank you Ensign." Spock said flatly, and brushed past him without another word. Chekov held a hand out to the wall to steady himself.

"I must be ill." he muttered faintly. "Maybe Dr. McCoy has something for hallucinations."

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"Dr. McCoy!" Chekov called as he walked unsteadily into Sickbay.

"Chekov!" Nurse Chapel answered, coming into the room. "Are you alright? You look terribly pale."

"Where's Dr. McCoy?" Chekov insisted.

"Oh, I'm afraid he's busy at the moment." Chapel said, looking at Chekov with worry. "Is something wrong?"

"I need something..." he stuttered. "Something for hallucinations."

"Hallucinations?" Chapel repeated. "When did they start?"

"There was only one, about five minutes ago." Chekov answered.

Chapel looked unconvinced. "Are you quite sure it was a hallucination? What did you see?"

Chekov looked down. "I... uhhh..."

"It's okay, Pavel, tell me." she encouraged. "I won't tell anyone. Medical confidence and all that."

Chekov's eyes widened in despair. "I saw Mr. Spock walking down the hall with his lyre, he was dressed as, as a old Earth Santa's elf and he bumped into me and then acted like nothing was wrong and then he walked away!"

"Come here, Pavel, I need run some tests." Chapel took his arm and led him to a bed in Sickbay.

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"So who should we go sing to first?" McCoy asked.

"Chekov!" Kirk burst out. "He seemed to be really looking forward to it!"

"Are you serious, Jim?" McCoy asked dubiously. "He was furious last year when we woke him up. He and Scotty were both sleeping off their hangovers from that ridiculous drinking contest they put on!"

"Oh, but he told me he didn't appreciate our musical talent at the time." Kirk lied smoothly, winking at Spock, who took a deep breath and forced his face to remain neutral.

"Alright, let's go! Chekov it is!" Kirk said.

But then the ship's speakers blared with the voice of Nurse Chapel.

"Dr. McCoy to Sickbay, Dr. McCoy to Sickbay."

"Are you kidding me?" McCoy snarled, and headed for the nearest intercom and slammed the button with the fake hoof he was wearing. "McCoy here, what is it?"

"It's Chekov, doctor. He seems to be suffering from some sort of delirium."

"Delirium? This seems rather sudden, he served full duty today."

"Doctor, he burst into Sickbay, white as a sheet, babbling maniacally about having seen Mr. Spock of all people in an old Earth Santa's elf costume! As we know that is quite impossible..."

"Nurse!" McCoy shouted. "Send him to his quarters immediately."

"But doctor, I am certain there is something terribly..."

"Doctor's orders." McCoy snapped. "I will have a look at him there, myself. Send him there immediately."

"Yes, doctor." Chapel closed the intercom with a bewildered look on her face. It was so unlike Dr. McCoy to take such little interest in the health of the crewmembers. Perhaps he was drunk? His voice had sounded normal. Chapel sighed and walked over to where Chekov was lying.

"You are released, Ensign." she said crisply. "Report to your quarters at once."

"Are you sure I'm alright?" Chekov asked, obviously thinking he was mentally ill.

"Dr. McCoy is going to have a look at you in your quarters. I have absolutely no idea why, but that's what he instructed me to tell you."

"Alright..." Chekov said dubiously, and left Sickbay without another word.

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"She's sending him to his quarters." McCoy grinned, rubbing his plastic hooves together. "Let's go show him the cause of his delirium."

Spock sighed internally and followed the two humans.

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Chekov groaned and threw himself into his bed. Why him? There was absolutely no way what he had seen was true, Mr. Spock would never condescend to get in such an absurd outfit. He sighed and buried his face into his pillow. That was it, he was insane. Career was over, he'd probably end up in a straitjacket. As he lay there in self-pity, horribly out of tune singing began waifting into his quarters, along with a strange plucking sound.

"Deck the Starship with pounds of holly

Falalalala, la la la la!

Tis the season to be jolly

Falalalala, la la..."

Chekov leaped to his feet and opened his door. There stood the strangest sight that had ever met his eyes. His captain was dressed as Santa Claus, Dr. McCoy was a reindeer, antlers and all, and Mr. Spock...! Chekov wiped a hand across his brow. He should be locked up, his really was going insane...

"Greetings, Pavel Chekov!" Kirk said dramatically. "Ho ho ho! Here's a present for this good little boy!" He reached into his pack and pulled out a case of vodka. "Here you are, Pavel, we must be on our way!" He closed the door in Chekov's face then burst out laughing.

"Bones, did I do it well?" he asked.

"Captain, have you been drinking?" Spock inquired.

"No, Spock, this is just how humans act when they don't have to be serious." Kirk said. "Hmm, who should we visit next?"

"Sulu!" McCoy offered.

"Alright, let's go!" Kirk shouted. Spock internally wished they would he quieter - the less people saw them like this, the better.

At that moment, Chekov bumped into Spock's shoulder, plainly drunk on his vodka. "I was wondering." he slurred.

"Yes, Ensign?" Spock said patiently.

"May I come caroling with you? More fun than being the victim of your, your singing. And plucking." he added, with a meaningful glance at Spock.

"Why, certainly!" Kirk said. "You can be the Grinch!"

"The what, Captain?" Spock asked blankly.

"Spock!" Kirk gasped. "You mean to tell me you've never seen _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_?"

"I am not acquainted with that Earth myth, Captain." Spock said dryly.

"Well, Chekov, you know about the Grinch, right?" Kirk asked.

"Of course I do!" Chekov said indignantly. "Famous Russian epic..."

"That will do, Ensign." Kirk said hurriedly. "Quick, I'll get you something to put on..."

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Soon Chekov and Kirk were back. Chekov's face was painted green, and to the casual observer, he did look vaguely like the Grinch.

The strange group paraded down the hall towards Sulu's quarters.

Sulu was feeding his many carnivorous plants as the strange sounds started. He was almost angry for a second, then burst out laughing. The captain and the doctor were at it again. But what was that plucking sound? And was that... Chekov's voice? Sulu raced to the door and opened it.

"Oh, my goodness." he gasped, then laughed madly. "Pavel, I had no idea you had such inclinations. Or, for that matter, Mr... Spock." he added, as he noticed the Vulcan watching him impassively.

"Sulu, join us!" Chekov slurred, swaying in his feet. "You can be, you can be...my dog!"

"Oh no." Sulu groaned. "Are you serious?"

"When... am I... not serious?" Chekov said.

"Oh, never!" Sulu said sarcastically. "Fine, I can be your dog, but I'll need an antler and a furry coat."

"Antler and a furry coat, coming right up!" Kirk shouted, and ran off to get the items from the replicators.

"What have I gotten myself into?" Sulu asked himself silently.

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A few minutes later, Sulu was crawling by Chekov's side, dressed in the furry dog coat and an antler tied to his head.

"I cannot believe I am doing this." he sighed, glaring upwards at Chekov, who giggled drunkenly.

"Here's Uhura's quarters, we need to sing something!" Kirk shouted over the ridiculous group. Everyone stared blankly, so Kirk started singing randomly.

"On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

A partridge in a pear tree.

On the second..."

Uhura's door whizzed open. She stared for a few seconds, then burst into uncontrollable laughter. "I was expecting you, Captain, and Doctor McCoy, but this... this..!" She broke down laughing again.

"Want to join us?" Sulu asked. "If they'll take me as the Grinch's dog, you can be just about anything."

"Well... I really don't know what I could be." Uhura said, looking them all over.

"You can be a Christmas tree." Chekov suggested.

"A Christmas tree?!" Uhura said with astonishment. "You mean, I should cover myself in pine branches?"

Spock raised an eyebrow tiredly. Human behavior was impossible to understand. It was always so random and illogical.

"Yes, why not?" Chekov said. "We need a Christmas tree."

"Alright, I don't see any reason why not to." Uhura agreed.

"I'll get the branches!" Kirk shouted, and raced down the hall to the nearest replicators.

If Spock had been human, he would have sighed and rolled his eyes.

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Scotty was returning to his quarters after staying extra time down in Engineering. The newest crew members were so clumsy, and kept wreaking havoc on his precious engines! Scotty was thinking with annoyance over all the mistakes they had made that day, when he ran into a tree.

Scotty cried out and shoved the branches away from his face. There was Uhura's face staring at him from in the branches.

"Ah, I am insane!" Scotty gasped, and staggered back a few steps.

"No you aren't!" Kirk's voice shouted, and all the others came around the hall's corner.

"We wish you a Merry Christmas

We wish you a Merry Christmas..."

Scotty was almost unable to speak. "What... what is happening here?" he finally stuttered. "Have 'ya all gone mad?"

"No, we're not mad, Scotty." McCoy said, coming over and laying a hand on his shoulder. "We may be having a little too much fun though. Care to join us?"

"Join 'ya?" Scotty said, horrified. "And what would I dress up as?"

"Oh, I don't know..." McCoy said.

"Frosty." Kirk said randomly.

"Frosty?" Scotty and Spock asked at the exact same time.

"You know, Frosty the Snowman." Kirk said. Turning to Spock, he added "It's another Earth myth."

"Oh, Captain, I'd feel rather silly..." Scotty tried to escape.

"Don't bother, you're going to end up as Frosty anyways." Sulu assured him. "Just look how I ended up."

Scotty sighed and gave in. And so the caroling insanity continued far into the night.

Those seven would make it a tradition to go caroling around the Enterprise on Christmas Eve for years to come.

The End

Please review! And be sure to check out NirCele's Christmas story, and the others to follow!


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